Joel's Joy Ride
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Did I ever tell y'all 'bout the first time I met the witchy woman that lives over by Hilton Hill? Wudn't when I was a youngun. Hell, I was way too scared of her bach then. I ain't 'fraid of her now but I don't tell no one, not even the Mrs. Witchy woman likes it that way.
Anyway, the Mrs. blessed me wid three boys. I know the Lord had a lot to do wid it; shorfe know the Mrs. raised 'em right in spite of me. She always liked the letter J so all them boys go named as such. Jarod, Joel, and Jedadiah. His mama's the only one that calls him Jedadiah; he's just a Jed. Well this story's about Joel. Hope I didn't confuse ya.
Joel always was a perty boy. Big smile and face of an angel. Lemme tell ya when Joel was lil he could push it. No one ever been able to light a fire in his heart like Joel when he wanted to. One minute that fire was warm and sweet and could melt the polar ice caps. Next minute same that fire could burn your heart like it was a blast furnace. King George sings a song 'bout a father's love. He musta knowed Joel.
Well, when Joel was about ten he got a wild hair and did what boys think of doin' but mamas and daddies hope they don't do. He went joy ridin'. Now out here by the LazY E joy ridin's a lil different than townies think 'bout. Joel hot rigged the green tractor and went off.
He run over some fence posts down by the big pond 'n front of the big house. Just gettin' the feel of things. He wudn't laughin' and such like ya'd 'spect. He was serious as a preacher at a mayor's buryin'.
Next he run that tractor down the road a might to the Bovine's place. They's rich folks and got a perty spread. They don't rightly belong out here but they's neighbors and ya gotta do right by 'em. Well, they got a big ol' chicken coop. Only one darn chicken but a whole coop. Darn thing must be forty feet tall and cleaner than the White House. Joel swiped him ev'ry egg he could then high tailed it back to the John Deere. Didn't break one of them eggs.
Now Joel ain't never been afeared of nothin'; not now not then. He rode that tractor and carried them eggs down ta the witchy woman's place and let 'em fly! He had an arm better 'an Nolan Ryan ever thought of havin' and them eggs exploded like Fourth of July fireworks. Thar was egg everywhere ya could see! Yoke here, shell there. Was sumptin' a boy could be proud of!
He took it on home figurin' he done got away wid the biggest joke since the dead hog in the well over ta Crooked Bridge. I'll tell y'all 'bout that another time.
Well I ain't real bright; if I was prolly wouldn't done got inta ranchin' in the first place. But next mornin' I knowed sumptin' just wudn't right. Barn door was open, mud on the Deere's tires, Joel actin' like he was in the front row at church.
I walked that boy by the runned over fence posts and asked him what happened. He got a might sheepish and said, "Nuthin,." I give him a whack on the bottom sounded like a stick of dynamite. Made me hurt inside but I was fired up mad. Joel didn't blink; just bowed up a might.
I walked that boy by them rich folk's place and they asked him what happened to their eggs. He just shrugged and said, "Nuthin'." I give him another whack that made the last one look like I was pettin' a kitten. He didn't blink, just bowed up some more. Made my heart sting but I didn't let on cuz I was fired up mad!
I walked him all the way ta the Hill ta the witchy woman's place. That darn walk seemed ta take from B.C. ta A.D. I gotta tell ya we was both afeared 'n we was both sweatin' buckets! No one, and I mean NO ONE ain't afeared of her. Stories 'round here of her potions and conjurin' just plain scare folks so much ain't no one will go widdin seein' distance after dark and it was pert near nightfall.
I knocked on the door like a sparrow hittin' a windah. No one answered, nuthin'. I knocked again a lil harder still hopin' the Lord would look kindly on me just this once. But the door opened with a loud creak that sent a chill right through me and the boy's bones. There was the witchy woman; orange cat in her right arm, blind mouse by her left foot just like all them stories I'd been hearin' since I was a youngun.
She looked down at Joel and give him a smile. Well, least her lips kinda turned up a might. Then she looked at me and her face turned down right deep in yur heart mean. I'm sayin' the kinda mean that'd make a copperhead bite hisself!
I couldn't look at her; just stared at ma boots 'n mumbled, "We're sorry ma'am." I kinda peaked up and saw her look at all that yellah, stankin' yoke and pasty, white shell on her windahs, walls 'n doors. She just said, "What fur?" and went back inside.
My eyes teared; Joel smiled 'n took my hand.
It feels good to be forgiven.
Wyatt (But y'all can call me EDog)
Anyway, the Mrs. blessed me wid three boys. I know the Lord had a lot to do wid it; shorfe know the Mrs. raised 'em right in spite of me. She always liked the letter J so all them boys go named as such. Jarod, Joel, and Jedadiah. His mama's the only one that calls him Jedadiah; he's just a Jed. Well this story's about Joel. Hope I didn't confuse ya.
Joel always was a perty boy. Big smile and face of an angel. Lemme tell ya when Joel was lil he could push it. No one ever been able to light a fire in his heart like Joel when he wanted to. One minute that fire was warm and sweet and could melt the polar ice caps. Next minute same that fire could burn your heart like it was a blast furnace. King George sings a song 'bout a father's love. He musta knowed Joel.
Well, when Joel was about ten he got a wild hair and did what boys think of doin' but mamas and daddies hope they don't do. He went joy ridin'. Now out here by the LazY E joy ridin's a lil different than townies think 'bout. Joel hot rigged the green tractor and went off.
He run over some fence posts down by the big pond 'n front of the big house. Just gettin' the feel of things. He wudn't laughin' and such like ya'd 'spect. He was serious as a preacher at a mayor's buryin'.
Next he run that tractor down the road a might to the Bovine's place. They's rich folks and got a perty spread. They don't rightly belong out here but they's neighbors and ya gotta do right by 'em. Well, they got a big ol' chicken coop. Only one darn chicken but a whole coop. Darn thing must be forty feet tall and cleaner than the White House. Joel swiped him ev'ry egg he could then high tailed it back to the John Deere. Didn't break one of them eggs.
Now Joel ain't never been afeared of nothin'; not now not then. He rode that tractor and carried them eggs down ta the witchy woman's place and let 'em fly! He had an arm better 'an Nolan Ryan ever thought of havin' and them eggs exploded like Fourth of July fireworks. Thar was egg everywhere ya could see! Yoke here, shell there. Was sumptin' a boy could be proud of!
He took it on home figurin' he done got away wid the biggest joke since the dead hog in the well over ta Crooked Bridge. I'll tell y'all 'bout that another time.
Well I ain't real bright; if I was prolly wouldn't done got inta ranchin' in the first place. But next mornin' I knowed sumptin' just wudn't right. Barn door was open, mud on the Deere's tires, Joel actin' like he was in the front row at church.
I walked that boy by the runned over fence posts and asked him what happened. He got a might sheepish and said, "Nuthin,." I give him a whack on the bottom sounded like a stick of dynamite. Made me hurt inside but I was fired up mad. Joel didn't blink; just bowed up a might.
I walked that boy by them rich folk's place and they asked him what happened to their eggs. He just shrugged and said, "Nuthin'." I give him another whack that made the last one look like I was pettin' a kitten. He didn't blink, just bowed up some more. Made my heart sting but I didn't let on cuz I was fired up mad!
I walked him all the way ta the Hill ta the witchy woman's place. That darn walk seemed ta take from B.C. ta A.D. I gotta tell ya we was both afeared 'n we was both sweatin' buckets! No one, and I mean NO ONE ain't afeared of her. Stories 'round here of her potions and conjurin' just plain scare folks so much ain't no one will go widdin seein' distance after dark and it was pert near nightfall.
I knocked on the door like a sparrow hittin' a windah. No one answered, nuthin'. I knocked again a lil harder still hopin' the Lord would look kindly on me just this once. But the door opened with a loud creak that sent a chill right through me and the boy's bones. There was the witchy woman; orange cat in her right arm, blind mouse by her left foot just like all them stories I'd been hearin' since I was a youngun.
She looked down at Joel and give him a smile. Well, least her lips kinda turned up a might. Then she looked at me and her face turned down right deep in yur heart mean. I'm sayin' the kinda mean that'd make a copperhead bite hisself!
I couldn't look at her; just stared at ma boots 'n mumbled, "We're sorry ma'am." I kinda peaked up and saw her look at all that yellah, stankin' yoke and pasty, white shell on her windahs, walls 'n doors. She just said, "What fur?" and went back inside.
My eyes teared; Joel smiled 'n took my hand.
It feels good to be forgiven.
Wyatt (But y'all can call me EDog)